New Year, New Doctor

Well, that's that then. So long Matt Smith!

You are just too adorable.

He had a good run. I have been consistently disappointed in the Steven Moffat era of Doctor Who*, but never disappointed in Matt Smith. From the moment he asked a young Amelia Pond for fish fingers and custard, I thought of him as the Doctor. Did I miss David Tennant? Of course. Did I love Matt Smith. Absolutely.

But even in the TARDIS, time marches on and Matt Smith has decided to carry on with his career. On Christmas, we bade farewell to the Eleventh Doctor (I guess really the Twelfth?) in the special episode, The Time of the Doctor, and said a brief hello to the next actor to take on the role: Peter Capaldi.

I don't want to harp on the episode, for the most part I enjoyed it. But it would be remiss of me not to mention that it didn't seem to make a lot of sense. Plot holes big enough to drive a TARDIS through have been something of a hallmark with Moffat episodes (as well as an annoying tendency to repeat themes and types of female characters), and The Time of the Doctor was no exception.

A town called Christmas? Ugh. I did enjoy the cyberman talking head though.

If I may quote my favorite internet gay uncles (Tom and Lorenzo):

We’re gonna cop to some laziness here, as well as some Moffat fatigue, because we’re not even going to bother listing all the things that made no sense or were left unexplained. If Moffat couldn’t be bothered to write a story that holds together, should we really put all that much effort into showing how it falls apart? Besides, one thing we know for sure, you either loved or hated this special and there’s not a thing anyone can say to convince you otherwise. When someone who hadn’t seen it yet asked us how it was, we told them it was a lot like the Lost finale: nothing made sense but you’ll get a good cry out of it at the end.

I have to confess there was a lot about the plot of this episode that I didn't understand or plain didn't get. The Doctor spends 300 years in this one small town? Really? And I have never been a fan of skipping HUGE periods of time in the course of an episode (something Moffat has also done before with this Doctor), and here it just seemed like a cheap device.

But none of that really matters in the long run, I suppose. If you didn't cheer when the Time Lords zapped the Doctor with some extra regeneration energy (I guess they just have that shit lying around or something), then you don't have a heart. And the goodbye to his past companions was very sweet. The regeneration into Doctor number Twelve was both achingly slow and shockingly quick and from the 20 or so seconds we saw of him, Peter Capaldi did a great job.

While I mourn the loss of Matt Smith from Doctor Who, my takeaway was one of excitement for the new season and the new Doctor. Bring it on, Moffat.

I'm excited!

The new season of Doctor Who (the 8th of the new series) will air in the UK in August 2014. Hopefully, we'll get it on BBC America at the same time!

*except the Neil Gaiman penned episodes and the recent 50th Anniversary special.

Recapping AHS: How Sister Eunice Stole Christmas

We begin in 1962 as a Salvation Army Santa is approached by Leigh Emerson, a disturbed man who pulls a gun and shoots Santa in the chest repeatedly. Later that night, little Cindy Lou Who finds Emerson dressed as Santa in her living room. Convincing her that he really is that Jolly Old Elf, Emerson gets the little girl to fetch her parents, who are not in for a good evening. He ties up both of the parents, threatening to rape them both, but he’ll allow them to decide which one he kills first.

Act I! In 1964, Eunice announces that despite Jude canceling Christmas forever “after last year’s debacle”, Eunice has decided to renew the tradition. Problem is they no longer have ornaments for their tree, so she orders the inmate to cut off locks of their hair for decorations, along with their dentures and toilet paper. Even Arden thinks this is weird, which is saying something. 

And you thought your office holiday party was awkward this year.

In the morgue, Frank the guard is praying for mercy after accidentally killing Grace. He tells Arden that they need to tell the police about Kit and the monster, despite his own culpability in Grace’s death. In her office, Eunice is sitting by the fire when Jude approaches from behind and holds a razor to her throat. Jude threatens to start cutting, wondering if it will send the demon back to Hell. Eunice retaliates by flinging open the closet full of Jude’s riding crops and sending them flying at Jude. When Arden interrupts them, Eunice orders that Jude be removed from the property. Arden complies and then tells Eunice that Frank is thinking of confessing. Eunice says she has it under control and heads to a cell containing Emerson, offering him a brand new Santa outfit. Flashback to 1963 as Jude is trying to wrangle the inmates for a holiday photo. Emerson demands that Jude remove the chains on his wrists, but she isn’t about to fall for it. Just as photographers arrive, Emerson lunges at the orderly, biting off his face, full on Hannibal Lecter style. Back in 1964, Eunice entices Emerson to wear the Santa outfit, saying she knows the reason he’s obsessed with Christmas is because he was raped on Christmas in his jail cell by five other inmates earlier in his life. Eunice offers him the chance to regain some of his power again.

The red will really bring out all that viscera you're going to be spilling onto the floor.

Act II! Eunice is in her office when Arden arrives bearing a gift – two lavish ruby earrings that Arden says belonged to “a jewess” in the camp who was overly proud of her wealth and hid the jewels by swallowing them and excreting them back out each night. Okay, gross, but Eunice is ecstatic, practically drooling over them. Arden is disappointed, hoping she would have had, you know, maybe a human reaction like she would have once. Just to be clear, this scene is about a former Nazi war criminal berating a demon for not being nice.  Pot, meet kettle. In the nunnery the next day, Jude asks Mother Claudia to help get her back into Briarcliff. Jude says that she now understands God’s plan for her was to be a soldier in His army because the devil is moving into society, starting with a corrupted Eunice and spreading all the way to the fact the NBC is is now playing Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeerinstead of the Christ story and WAR ON CHRISTMAS, PEOPLE! Just then, Arden pays a visit – in what passes for humility for him, he tells Jude that she was right about him and right that something is wrong with Eunice. In the common room, Monsignor and Eunice are holding a Christmas party for the inmates. Monsignor flirts with Eunice and praises her clever, forward-thinking management style, including letting Emerson play Santa which seems to be creeping out everybody but the two of them. In the infirmary, Kit dreams about being home at Christmas with a pregnant Alma. They dance, but Alma suddenly becomes Grace. Lana wakes Kit from the dream, telling him that she knows he is innocent and that Eunice hasn’t told anyone that she has both of them now back at Briarcliff and they’re going to have to get themselves out.

Act III! Arden sneaks Jude into the asylum through the basement. Jude tells Arden to bring Eunice to Jude’s office and lock them in there together. In the common room, Frank has fetched a ladder to hang the star on top of the Christmas tree when Emerson sees an opportunity and rushes Frank, knocking him to the ground and trying to slice him with the star. Orderlies pull Emerson off and Frank beats him to the ground, prompting Eunice to sigh, describing Emerson as “two steps forward and one step back” in terms of treatment. Eunice tells Franks to take Emerson to solitary as Arden informs Eunice that she’s needed in the office. Frank locks Emerson in his cell but is surprised by Eunice who cuts Frank’s neck open with the razor that’s been making its way around. She passes the razor along to Emerson, winking at him, “I pray we’re not looking at a rampage.” Emerson finds Jude in the office as Eunice and Arden lock the door behind him. “I trust my loyalty is no longer in question,” Arden says to Eunice.

Bad Santa...

Act IV! Emerson comes at Jude with the razor, detailing the horrific sexual things he’s doing to do to her before beating her to the ground. Elsewhere, Lana has found a phone to call the police, but is stopped when Thredson traps her in the room. Thredson is angry because Lana running away means he’s had to burn all of his Bloody Face paraphernalia, but now that he’s found her again he can use her skin to build a new mask. He tries to drag her out the room, but Kit is behind him and knocks him unconscious. Lana wants to kill Thredson then and there, but Kit points out that they need him if Kit is going to avoid the electric chair. Back in the office, Emerson is having his way with Jude. In throwing her around, he discovers the closet full of riding crops and remembers all the times Jude whipped him with them. He shoves Jude onto the desk and begins to beat her with the crops. He eventually flips her over, moving to start with the actual rape portion of our program when Jude sees her opportunity and plunges something sharp into his neck, killing him. In the death chute, Arden is removing Grace’s body when the aliens show up, all white light and loud noises. Not sure what’s up with our ETs – do they live in the basement or something? Several brief flashes and it’s done, but Grace’s body is now gone. Meanwhile, Kit and Lana have stuffed Thredson into an unused storage closet and left him there gagged.

Next week! The electro-shock tables have turned for Sister Jude…

Best Christmas Movies: Tim Burton Edition

Tim Burton is probably most known for his visual style, typically mashing up twisted and frightening images with the mundane world of American suburbia. Given the prevalence of ghosts, demons and creepity critters, Halloween is obviously his thematic holiday of choice, however it doesn’t take much digging to see that the guy has a major thing for Christmas. Almost all of his movies set at least some part of their action around the holiday season, so while he doesn’t make “Christmas” movies, per se, you can still find some truly innovative classics showing up around this time.

For my money, the best Christmas-ish movie that he’s done is Edward Scissorhands. I admit a certain amount of nostalgia blinds me a bit on this one – without going too far into the Ghosts of Clovis’ Past, I confess that the first date I ever went on was to see this movie. It also hits my sweet spot of showcasing characters that are essentially damaged beyond repair, but still trying to be something more than what they are.

Edward Scissorhands is a fairy tale about change and how to become something better, more beautiful. Edward, played by Johnny Depp, is a not-quite finished creation of a dead inventor, played by Vincent Price in his final role. Edward is shy and unsure, but has developed a talent for using the scissors he has for hands to make beautiful sculptures out of plants, bushes and ice. He’s trying to convert the loneliness and darkness of his life into something beautiful. Likewise, Winona Ryder’s Kim starts off as the “cool kid” cheerleader dating the controlling and violent Jim. Kim comes to love Edward after seeing beyond what’s on the surface and grows as a person because of it. But the most obvious example comes from the movie’s epilogue, where (spoilers!) an aging Kim tells the story of Edward to her young granddaughter on a cold winter night, explaining that before Edward came down from his mountaintop castle, it never snowed and afterwards it did, showcasing an entire community the manages to change and evolve after its involvement with someone new.

I’m a sucker for the visuals of the movie. Winona Ryder dancing in the snowfall created by Edward’s gigantic ice sculptures while Danny Elfman’s angelic score plays is easily the movie’s most iconic scene and absolutely the one that I look forward to every single time I watch it. I think I was lucky to see the movie as a very young teenager. The illustration of the simple and sweet love between Edward and Kim, uncomplicated by messy adult reality of the same emotion, is pretty much perfect for someone that age. Add in a very unsubtle dash of angst about connection and the inability to touch and hold someone, made literal by Edward’s hands, and you’ve got the perfect preteen emotional cocktail.

I'm 33 years old and this still melts my sad, bitter heart.

As such, it’s easy to see how Burton isn’t exactly hiding that this movie is a fantasy of himself and his own childhood. The nondescript suburban community tracks nicely with his own childhood in Burbank, California and Edward himself, wild-haired, shy, misunderstood artistic marvel that he is, is an obvious placeholder for how Burton sees himself. It’s that kind of nostalgia that so easily brings this movie into the Christmas movie pantheon, and not just because the final act is set on Christmas Eve. It aims for (and, largely, hits) all the same themes that traditional Christmas movies employ – innocence, family, love. Even Christmas cookies play a role.

The lessons and themes of Edward Scissorhands are not overly complex, but that doesn’t make them any less entertaining. Christmas movies are largely stuffed to the gills with sentimentality, from Dickens’ miserly Scrooge to modern family holiday flicks where everyone lives in a large country house and there’s always snow on the ground. We watch these movies to feel sentimental; to hope for, as Bing Crosby sang, a Christmas “just like the ones I used to know.” For me, who first saw this movie a few weeks before Christmas at age 13, it exactly fits the bill.

And even though it’s been over 20 years since I first saw this movie, I still listen to the Danny Elfman soundtrack every single bloody time it snows.