You Found a Prostitute that Takes Traveler's Checks?

The quality of mercy is not strain'd
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven 
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blesst
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.

My corset itches, Bassanio. Also, I am really racist.

I once recited, with great aplomb (and hand gestures), that monologue in its entirety in front of an entire undergraduate introductory English class. AND I SCHOOLED THEM. Because why? Because we were studying the play and we all divided up into groups to do different scenes, and no one wanted to be Portia in the courtroom scene, so I volunteered. Why? Because I'm an attention whore, that's why! I WAS THE BEST PORTIA IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. 

Okay, maybe not as cool as this Portia. 

I ran a clinic on that monologue. I posted part of it here so you can search for deeper meaning in the episode bearing the title, "The Quality of Mercy." I assume that if you're reading this blog that that is the kind of thing you spend your time doing. So, have at it. The Merchant of Venice quote is a nice choice, considering all the Jewish jokes spread throughout the show. Oh, anti-Semitism.  *Jazz hands*

Victorian postcard portrayals of saucy wenches and other high-minded strumpets.

Welcome TV Sluts, to the TVSluts Mad Men-a-palooza AMC-a-go-go. This last episode before the finale was like a Mad Men cake with five layers of oh no he didn't, topped with oh no he better don't frosting. And a cherry on top. 

So, Don wakes up shitfaced, in a fetal position, hoping that that dream he had about letting his daughter catch him in bed with the neighbor lady was just a dream. Nope. Nope, that shiz was real. In an act of defiance, Don is drinking Tropicana OJ and not Sunkist. Megan wants Don to take a break, and then she burns the eggs. She asks him to stay home and "sleep it off" today, and then she heads to work. There's all kind of ominous music. 

So, Ken Cosgrove is out hunting with some clients and in an incredibly Dick Cheney move, one of them shoots him instead of whatever fowl they were hunting. Well. Crap.

Ahh, nature. The birds. The trees. The sun. The....ahhh! My eye! My fucking eye!

Three minutes in and we are off to a rousing start. In an ironic twist, Don's home watching a Nixon ad about how he's tough on crime. Tell that to poor fucking Ken Cosgrove, man. Don switches the channel and then he sees Megan, in that bad wig, pretending to be the really French sister of the other French character she plays on TV. She's more French than she is in real life. And Jessica Pare is French Canadian. It's all very meta. Then the phone rings and IT'S BETTY.  Betty wants to talk Sally and Don wants to know what's up, and Sally's been refusing to visit Don. Betty still has no idea what happened and Betty tells Don that Sally wants to go away to a boarding school. 

Carnation Instant Breakfast: Have the energy you need to telephone your ex-husband.

Back at SC&P, Ted's successfully gotten his hands all over Ocean Spray. Ted and Peggy are FLIRTING and telling everyone about this HILARIOUS guy who took them around the plant. He had a red shirt and he talked like a really bad Kennedy impersonator. Hahaha. Hahaha. No, seriously, you had to be there. Ginsberg wants to know if no one has noticed that Cran-Prune sounds like a glass of diarrhea (it does) and Ted tells him they can't change the names. Ginsberg gets up to say he has to use the bathroom, but really it's a ploy to get Ted and Peggy out of the room. Yes, please. Get a room. 

Mmm...kay. To do: 1) Flirt with Peggy.  2) Flirt with Peggy more. 3) Feel guilty. 4) Go home to neglected wife.

The phone rings at Megan and Don's and it's Harry Crane and he has good news!  Now Sunkist wants to deal with SC&P and Don tells Harry that it's a conflict and he has to drop it. Great shorts, Harry. Jeffrey, the fat Sunkist reps, took a look at the media plan and wants to do TV. Don tells Harry he should have told them that they had a conflict with Sunkist. Megan's idea is to take Don out of the apartment.

Don's at a movie with Megan and awkwardly run into Ted and Peggy AT EFFING ROSEMARY'S BABY and Don doesn't like it that Ted is hanging with Peggy and let's remember that Don's supposed to be home sick today. Megan's convinced that Ted and Peggy are having an affair and Don thinks Megan's been on a soap too long.  Ted tries to brush it off by saying they're doing "research" for the St. Joseph aspirin spot. No, you blew off work to play footsie in a dark theater.  Don and Megan head home and Don decides to, yet once more, go behind everyone's back and make a business decision. He phones Harry Crane in Cali.

False alarm. Ken Cosgrove is alive and he hates Michigan a bunch. Chevy has been trying to kill him and Pete tells him to man up. Pete GRACIOUSLY offers to take the Chevy people off Cosgrove's hands. Cosgrove's wife Cynthia is pregnant and he wants off the account, and Pete sees his opportunity and offers his services to take over the account. He cuts a deal with Cosgrove to get Cosgrove off the account. 

You know, cyclops have feelings, too.

At the morning partners meeting (which Joan does not attend), Don and Roger present Sunkist to Cutler and Ted. Sunkist wants an $8 million TV ad, and Cutler is on board with Don and Roger, but Ted hates the idea. Let's remember that Don gave Ted his WORD OF HONOR AS A GENTLEMAN that if Ted pulled strings with Mitchell Rosen, Don would back off Sunkist. Upon agreeing to take the Sunkist account, Ted tells Don he wants Peggy on the account. Because you know. Juice experience. Stuff like that.

Rosemary's Baby. What a RIOT! *Snortgigglegigglesnort*

So Pete has his gun out, which is always a good sign, and Miss Scarlett tries to give Pete advice about firearms. She informs him that he has a .22 and that isn't good for anything but squirrels. Scarlett tells him he's got a meeting with Old Man Cooper, and she straightens his tie. Awwwww. Yeahhhh. Pete Campbell. Gettin' some secretary tail. 

Bert's called a meeting with Roger, Cutler, Cosgrove and, yes, Bob Benson! BOB BENSON!!! Pete hasn't calculated this very well, but he must have been aware that when he volunteered to take Chevy that Cutler put Troutshorts on the Chevy account. Pete doesn't want to work with Bob, and Pete tries to worm out of it, but Cosgrove tries to convince Pete that he needs Troutshorts. Troutshorts graciously leaves so that they can discuss this amongst themselves, but you know he is seething and plotting as he leaves. Plotting. Yes. Plotting.

Cutler lets Pete know that, on no uncertain terms,  he has to work with Troutshorts. Cutler likes Troutshorts. Chevy likes Troutshorts. We all like Troutshorts,  Pete. Pete realizes he's been beaten, thanks them and leaves. Turn that Pete Campbell Smarm-o-Meter up to 11.

So. In potential serial killer news, Pete graciously shakes Bob's hand, and they have a very polite and intense exchange about how Troutshorts is gay, Pete thinks it's sick, and how Pete should watch what he says to people. Or else! See you later, old sport!

Pete yells at Scarlett, thus likely ruining his chances at some potential casual banging and he calls his old buddy Duck Phillips. Pete wants Duck to find a way to get Troutshorts out of the office by way of presenting Troutshorts with some other opportunities. Duck promises to help Pete out if Pete pays him $1,000 for the work, and Pete readily agrees. Meanwhile, Troutshorts esta hablando espanol con su novio (o eso?), Manolo. Dice que Pete es un hijo de punta. MOTHER shows up a bit later, annoying Pete with her -- well, her existence, really. Apparently, Pete has engaged the services of a beleaguered and terrified young nurse, Josephine. MOTHER informs Pete that she's in need of her passport because she's going on a trip and she also tells him that she's spoken to Manolo about the way Pete treats Troutshorts. This causes Pete to blow his stack again because HE GAVE ORDERS that MOTHER wasn't to see Manolo anymore, and Pete says all kinds of insulting things to MOTHER and threatens to fire poor Josephine for...well, because he's an ass.

In future teen delinquent news, Betty and Sally are on their way up to Sally's ritzy private school and Betty steals one of Sally's fries. Betty reminds Sally that one of her friends in school went away to boarding school.

Betty: Did I tell you she hated her mother?

Sally: Good for her.

Betty can't figure out why Sally suddenly wants to go to boarding school, and she figures it has something to do with her. No, worries, Betty. Sally hates the world.

Now, dear, it's all right to be blase, but we want to make sure you're the right kind of blase.

At . other end of the SC&P office, Ted and Peggy are having entirely too much fun with the St. Joseph account, with poor Joan held hostage to witness all of this flirtin' and Ted and Peggy (with Joan in a cameo as The Jewish Mother) 

Peggy soon learns that this is also Ted's O face. 

Ted and Peggy leave the meeting like a couple of giddy school kids after Don agrees to attend casting. This is where he finds out from Joan that the St. Joseph budget is $5,000, but Ted and Peggy have racked up over $35,000 in incidentals. St. Joseph hasn't seen the new budget and Don is livid, wanting to know who's been paying for the casting. Joan says that they have so far, and Don asks if the plan is to spring it on St. Joseph in the meeting. This is where Joan takes the opportunity to remind of him of her lack of power in the agency,  and says, "I don't know, Don. I don't tell them what to do." Don calls St. Joseph while Peggy and Ted are at casting and sends them a budget, and St. Joseph calls Ted during casting and puts a stop to it because they are angry about the budget. Don wants to know why Ted pushed St. Joseph when they've been running the same ad for 20 years, and Ted explains it's because the client wanted a more memorable ad. Peggy came up with some great work and Ted doesn't want to let her down and asks Don to back him up at the meeting the next day. 

Sally begins her overnight at Hogwarts, and this is where we discover that Hogwarts is populated with cynical, chain-smoking, bored little rich girls who expect Sally to bring them liquor, cigarettes, boys, and, if she can score it, weed.

Anyway, so Sally's stuck at this boarding school with some teen skanks. Eager to fit in Sally tells them she can get them anything they want. So, what does she do? She calls Glenn, who brings along one of his uber horny teen friend, weed and alcohol. 

Tonight, on a very special episode of Mad Men.

Duck Phillips calls Pete with some GREAT NEWS. Well, it's great news for Pete, but not-so-great news for SC&P. Turns out, Troutshorts aka Bob Benson aka Alias is a total fake. Total fraud. Didn't go to UPenn. Never went to Deloitte. He called Barriman Bros. because of the info Pete gave him, and they DO remember Bob Benson. Turns out, he is from West Virginia (mountain mama, take me home) and a senior VP's buttboy. Duck says he's never seen anything like this before and Pete says, "I have." Awww. Yeah.

Meanwhile, back at the After School Special, Sally is shitfaced. Glenn's hitting on Sally's roomie, and roomie takes Glenn into another room so he can "read her diary." That's what the kids are calling it these days.

I"m so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm...so...scared.

Glenn's buddy Rolo is putting the moves on Sally, but Sally's about two steps past playing Barbies and also likely has some serious issues with human mating rituals. He gets mad at her, and Sally bangs on the door where Glenn is...banging her roommate. Glenn is mad at Rolo for hitting on Sally because he's like her sister, and Glenn punches Rolo. Did you see that little smile on Sally's face? Oh, I did. Is she totally geeked about witnessing violence or is she happy that someone -- Glenn -- is taking on the daddy role and beating someone up to protect her? A little of both? A little swirl? Glenn has to leave, and you'd think Sally's roomie would be mad at her for being a cockblock, but she seems a little impressed that Sally got a boy to beat up another boy for her sake.

Don and partners sit down to meet with St. Joseph so they can understand all of this spendthrifting. Ted tries to convince St. Joseph that their campaign is worth the money, but St. Joseph isn't buying it. St. Joseph wants a reason, and Don takes charge. He gives a long spiel, giving himself enough time to think of something convincing to pull out of his ass. Don puts Ted on the spot, asking Ted to read his mind and decipher the utter bullshit that is about to come out of Don's mouth. Don tells St. Joseph that it was FRANK GLEASON'S LAST IDEA, humiliating Ted and stealing Peggy's thunder. Don, you are a heel. On the up side, St. Joseph agrees to the campaign and a budget of $25,000. After the partners leave, Peggy gives Don a death look. Ted asks Don WTF that was all about, and Don tells Ted that Ted's feelings for Peggy are getting in the way of his work.

Works wonders for professional rivalry, infidelity and other ailments of the digestion.

Pete confronts Bob and tells Troutshorts that he knows Troutshorts a fake.  Pete decides to keep his enemy closer and offers not to tell anyone about what he found out in exchange for Troutshorts agreeing to work alongside him and not to do anything underhanded or backstabbing. Pete's such a puritanical hypocrite that he thinks he has to take the high ground with Troutshorts, and lecture him about integrity, because Bob's lied about who he is and where he came from, whereas Pete's just been spoiled all his life.

Peggy asks to see Ted and his secretary tells him he's left for the day. Peggy asks when he left, and the secretary tells her he left when Peggy asked to see him. Peggy thinks, "Oh no he better did not!" and marches into that Don Draper's office and gives him a piece of her mind. Peggy accuses Don of killing Ted, killing the ad and killing everything because, as she says, Don can't stand it that Ted is a good man. Don responds with, "He's not that virtuous," and I think anyone who's seen the finale already (which is all of you) can now get behind that statement. Get behind it like Troutshorts behind a VP. 

Betty takes Sally home from Hogwarts and tells her that things went well for her, and that the school would be pleased to have her. Remember when Betty stole a fry? Betty lets Sally have a cig in exchange for said fry. Betty justifies it by saying that she's sure Don has given her a beer.. Sally takes a drag of her cigarette, stares out the window and says, "My father's never given me anything."

Boom! That's it for part one of the Mad Men-a-palooza. Stay tuned for the TVSluts Mad Men Threeway, part of this complete liquid breakfast.

Margarine Is Indestructible

Beware of all caps. I got unreasonably excited during this episode, so if all caps or excessive exclamation points bothers you or hurts your eyes, abandon all hope ye who enter here. And suchlike.

Vamos a empezar.

This.

We begin this week's episode with a board meeting to strategize the SCDP frankenfat presentation.

One part dick-measuring to two parts pissing contest. Dash of marking your territory. And stir.

Ted's strategy is to sell Fleischmann's on the taste factor, emphasizing that it costs more than Blue Bonnet because it tastes better. Don disagrees and thinks they should take the stance that price is irrelevant because the question is whether or not margarine tastes better than butter (it doesn't). They argue about the market share, which is much higher than butter.  Pete thinks they should go on taste alone.

Don beckons Peggy and asks her which she'd choose if she were in the market for margarine (blech), and Peggy responds that she'd buy the cheaper one. Ted asks which one she thinks would taste better, the cheaper one or the more expensive one. Pete chimes in to say they can't tell the client their product is expensive, and Peggy's trying to figure out which person in the room she'd rather side with, and which person is actually in charge, so she demurs from making an actual choice. Really didn't matter to her, leaving Don and Ted annoyed that she didn't side with either of them. Well, that was certainly a...creative response, Peggy. Now how about something useful? 

Did we miss something here?

I bet Peggy doesn't even buy margarine. And look at those lamps! Hahaha!

Harry advises Pete to go see a head-hunter while things are going reasonably well for SCDP because Harry feels like SCDP is a hot mess.

Cut to Megan on the set of All My Children (or whatever), sporting terrible blonde wig, enacting an office scene (ha!). In true soap opera form, Megan is portraying Collette, her regular maid character's sister.  Apparently Collette is having an affair with Arlene's character's husband. Oh, irony. The director is giving Megan crap because he doesn't feel like Megan is making the two characters distinct enough. WTF. It's a crappy daytime soap, not the Orphan Black auditions.

Back at la oficina, Don walks into Peggy's office and wants to know why Peggy didn't look at the options they presented her in the meeting and form an opinion.  It's what professionals do. Don is such a dick. Don wants Peggy's opinion and Peggy doesn't want to give an opinion because does her opinion matter, really? Really, does it Don? Or do you and Ted just want to prove that one of you is right all the time? Peggy tells Don that Ted doesn't belittle her, and Don basically tells her to wait and he will. 

At a swank fundraising affair, Betty's out smoking in the hallway.  Henry's off making phone calls and over slinks some tux named Stuart, who hits on her. Betty rebuffs his advances, but he's insistent.  Betty's lost a pretty significant amount of weight and she's feeling much better about the way she looks. But Stuart can dream on.

I'm back, bitches.

Peggy comes home and finds that Abe has been stabbed. Stabbed. The police officer gives Abe a hard time because he won't identify the ethnicity of his attacker. Peggy is angry with Abe for not being more cooperative with the popos. Abe is angry with Peggy for siding with the "fascist pig" cops. Peggy tells Abe she's willing to let him do whatever he wants, and Abe gets even angrier with her. Peggy threatens to sell "this shithole."

Don comes home to his wife (for a change) and they awkwardly discuss their day. Megan explains to Don that she just can't manage  what the director is asking of her, and Don decides to skip dinner and go watch the teevee. Their marriage seems kinda ovah.

In a cab on the way home, Henry and Betty talk about the evening. Henry noticed that Betty received a lot of attention from admirers, particularly the pervy Stuart. Henry demands to know what Stuart said to her, and Betty demurely evades the question until Henry insists she tell him. This turns him on for some reason and they suck face in the car. 

At SCDP the next morning, Margaret has brought her son into work for him to spend the day with Grandpa Roger. Would he like to meet his Uncle Kevvy, I wonder? Playdate?

Over at Pete's, Pete's having a clandestine meeting. OMG, IT'S DUCK PHILLIPS!!! Remember Duck Phillips? Holy crap!  Pete is meeting with Duck at Pete's to talk business. Duck's found Bert Peterson a job. Duck offers a marketing job in Wichita and Pete's reluctant to move to Kansas. Duck's concerned about Pete's lack of a role in the management structure at SCDP and he wants to know what happened with Vick's. Ha!

Let's explore my humanity in a way in which I don't end up wearing a bathrobe all day and drooling.

Duck tells Pete if he can get to a higher position at SCDP, he can get him a better offer than Wichita. Pete wants to spend more time at the office, but Mother has run amok. 

Don's on his way to join the Francis fam for some family bonding to visit Bobby at his summer camp. Yes. Don Draper goes camping. It's like Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Except more rustic.

Don pulls up at an Esso gas station out in BFE and calls for the attendant, who ignores him. He gets out of the car and repeats his request to the attendant for assistance, and the attendant is distracted by a fine female ass leaning into the front seat of her car. Don joins him the admiration. Please, dear Lord, let that be Betty. HAHAHA. OMG IT'S BETTY! YES!! 

Betty's lost, so she pulled over at this station to find Bobby's camp. WHICH HAPPENS TO BE THE SAME ESSO STATION THAT DON HAS PULLED INTO. PERFECT. Don has forgotten how hot Betty is Betty has forgotten how mad she is at Don. 

Howdy, lil lady. Are you lost?

They are hot for each other cordial as they try to figure out where they are going. The attendant gives Betty some directions and Betty wants to know if there are any street names. Of course there aren't any. You're in BFE. That's the point of camp, Betty. Don gallantly instructs Betty to follow him in his car. PLEASE, PLEASE LET THEM HAVE HATE SEX. PLEASE. 

Why, hello, stranger. 

Back at the office, Fleischmann's wants more market share figures. Ted drags Peggy into an office and asks her WTF she was doing during the presentation. Peggy said she was sticking to the plan. The plan where...the plan where she doesn't say anything to Don about his margarine idea... Right? Ted tells her, no, that's not what I meant, dammit!  She touched his hand during the presentation! Gasp! And then she smiled at him! Gasp! You can't do that, Peggy! I should never have kissed you. Peggy says she thought they were forgetting about that. Ted says he hasn't forgotten.  What an old tune. The boss in love with is protege. OMG!! He is in l'amour with her!! Squee!!

Pete asks for Joan's advice on a personal matter. He's trying to find his mom a nurse because Mother is proving difficult. Joan tells him she's not sure how she can help, but she will try. Then he tries to ask her out, unaware that Joan is now seeing Bob Benson.

This conversation isn't a vague come-on. Okay. Yes, it is. And it's also not necessarily vague.

The second half hour starts off with Megan's swingy costar Arlene arriving at Megan and Don's apartment. They have some wine and some girl chat, but who cares? We all want to see Don and Betty screw. 

Back at band camp, Don's trying his awkward best to be a better dad. Don's snuck some hooch into camp and sits on the porch with Betty. Don says he never went to camp and Betty reminds him that he's been to camp with her family. He meant during his shitty childhood during which they had to go to the bathroom in an outhouse and trap possums for dinner. Like every day. And not for funzies. Anyway, Betty talks about the time that Don went camping with the Hofstadt fam and Don got into an argument with Betty's dad. After which, Don and Betty went into the woods and made Sally. That explains so much. Don and Betty say goodnight, and Betty holds his outstretched hand for a moment. You think Don's going to go into her cabin, but he doesn't move.

Hey, stud.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO US, MATTHEW WEINER. 

But then she leaves the door open.

Then Don goes in.

THEN THEY KISS!!! YES!!!!!

HOW HAPPY ARE YOU???

Those lazy, hazy, horny days of summer.

MEANWHILE, Megan confesses to Arlene that she is feeling lonely in her relationship with Don.  Oh, the irony. Arlene kisses Megan and Megan gets angry because feels like Arlene is taking advantage of her. Arlene feels like Megan asked her over for sexy time, but Megan insists she isn't into lady bits. Arlene leaves. Poor Megan. She is getting pwned all over the place. Also, I feel Megan already had this convo with Arlene when she and her husband asked them to swing. Jeez, Arlene. Get a clue.

Anyway. AFTERWARD. Betty is smoking a cigarette and Don confesses that he has missed her. Betty feels sorry for Megan because Megan doesn't know that loving Don is the worst way to get to his heart. Betty's figured out the best way to hold Don's attention is to have sex with him a bunch while he's married to someone else. Betty Francis learning curve FTW.

Betty also lets him know that this is not going to be A Thing. I'm sure Betty's figured out that the only real way to hold Don's attention for any span of time is to be his mistress. Don wants her because now she's unattainable. 

Riot grrrll!

Okay, Don and Betty sleeping together is total fan service, but you know you saw that, ahem, coming. I hope she gets preggo again. And has to lie to Henry. Hahahahahaha.

At Peggy and Abe's, someone threw a rock through their bedroom window. Peggy's worried that someone saw Abe talking to the police and they're retaliating. Peggy tells Abe she's scared to live in this neighborhood, and Abe agrees to put the house on the market. Peggy decides to sleep in the living room that night because she's afraid to sleep in the bedroom.

The morning after, Margaret's mad at Roger for taking her son to see Planet of the Apes on Don's recommendation. Margaret's son is having nightmares, and Margaret is pissed. Margaret tells Roger he has to call Mona the next time he wants to see his grandson and that Mona has to be there.  I think Margaret is overreacting just a smidge. At camp, Betty's having breakfast with Henry and he politely says good morning to Henry, who apparently doesn't suspect. Don goes over to a far corner and eats breakfast all by his lonesome. 

At Joanie's, Joanie's going to the beach with Bob Benson. Joan tells Bob that Pete is looking for a good nurse for his mom. Then Roger shows up. Roger has no idea who Bob is and Bob is like, I work for you. I'm the smarmy guy in accounts. Remember?

Roger comes up with a lame excuse for why he's dropping in unannounced because Bob of course cannot know that Roger is Kevin's father. All seriousness aside, WTF is up with Bob's shorts?

You guys! Guess if I've paired these snazzy shorts with socks and sandals. Go ahead. Take a guess.

I get that this was the fashion, but what is the pattern on those? Trout? WTF.

PEGGY HAS A BAYONET. Which I find hilarious. Because it is World War I. There's apparently a riot going on (in Spanish) outside, which is not in fact WWI. Abe comes in and asks Peggy what's going on. Peggy turns around. THEN PEGGY STABS ABE. 

In the ambulance, Abe tells Peggy that her activities are "offensive to his every waking moment" and basically breaks up with her while he's struggling to stay alive. Most epic break-up ever. I have about had it with Abe, but I was hoping that Peggy could at least do the dumping this time around. Nope. No such luck. To top it all off, the EMT hears it all. Now Peggy has been publicly dumped by a guy who is bleeding out. Sorry, sister. However, I do enjoy that Abe got stabbed a bunch in this episode.  That kind of filled me with glee.

IT IS TOTALLY WORLD WAR I. 

At Megan and Don's, Megan tells Don that she's unhappy and that he feels distant. He kisses her, and they seem to reconcile for the time being.

Roger presents Joan with some Lincoln Logs for Kevin. Joan tells Roger that he can't drop in on her and act like Kevin's father whenever he wants. It's better for Kevin to think that his father is Greg, although Greg is in Vietnam. That's right, Roger. An absent rapist jerk-off is a better father figure for Kevvy than you are.

Bob enters Pete's office and tells Pete he's aware that Pete needs a nurse for his mother. Bob gives Pete a recommendation for a nurse. That's a nice gesture, but I still think Bob is on the make. 

Peggy knocks on Ted's door the next morning. Abe got stabbed, but he's going to be fine. Peggy tells Ted that she and Abe have broken up, in the hopes that he'd be willing to have a relationship with her.  It's not a completely far-fetched hope, since Ted did tell Peggy he was in love with her and she's seen many a coworker leave his wife for a younger woman (:coughcoughRogercough).  Peggy's not so lucky (when is she, really?). Ted basically rebuffs her, and Peggy leaves his office, blinking back tears. 

Okay, this has gotten real old.

Different guy. Same story. The final scene shows Peggy standing in the hallway between Don and Ted's respective offices. Perhaps realizing that they're the same French actress in two different wigs?

Oh, Peggy. What can I say?

New episode next week. Let's watch to see if Peggy catches a break, or if her dreams of  eventually finding a fulfilling relationship come crashing down in a burning pile of rubble and hellfire. 

Which lucky cast member will get stabbed next week?