Putin on the Ritz

Well, you can't blame them for trying. It seems the networks have seen the success of Showtime's Homeland (and it's multiple Emmy wins) and now television series about US intelligence agencies are breaking out all over.

It's January so it's time for midseason premieres! In the Fall, the networks all tout their shows as the next big thing, but in reality they know most of those new shows are going to fail. There's always a back up plan and the networks have a bunch of new series waiting in the wings to take the empty time slots. This means that January is chock full of premieres, so let's get going on some of these reviews, shall we?

First up, The Assets!

I wasn't wowed by this one, and apparently most of America wasn't either. The first episode of this eight part miniseries debuted with the lowest rating in the key demo (a 0.7 among 18-49 year olds) of any drama to air on the big four networks. The lowest rating EVER. That's pretty impressive. No word yet on Putin's reaction to the series. 

Here's a basic plot summary from ABC:

The Assets is an eight-part miniseries based on the real life events of CIA counter-intelligence officer Sandy Grimes (Jodie Whittaker). 1985 serves as the backdrop to the final showdown of the Cold War when Sandy and her partner Jeanne Vertefeuille (Harriet Walter) vowed to find the mole that would turn out to be the most notorious traitor in US History, Aldrich Ames (Paul Rhys). Sandy is in a race against time to save the Soviet intelligence officers from being caught and killed. Living her own double life at home, this beautiful wife and mother vowed to stop at nothing until she uncovered the truth. The Assets will look inside the true, personal stories of the conclusion of the Cold War as told by the keepers of the nation’s secrets: the CIA.

It's basically Homeland set in 1980s. So instead of Middle Eastern terrorists, it's Russians. And the main blonde agent is kinda boring. And not crazy. And doesn't make goofy faces when she cries.

This is like 70% of the reason why I watch Homeland. The other 30% is hoping that Mandy Patinkin will sing.

I didn't hate it; the show had a lot of stuff going for it. The espionage stuff is all pretty neat, and there were some tense scenes of spy vs. spy shenanigans involving the CIA and the KGB. I also liked that the Russians weren't made to look like buffoons--they pose a genuine threat and out-maneuver the CIA at every turn in the first episode. It's also clear by the end of the first episode who the mole in the organization is.  Since it's a matter of public record now, keeping it secret would have been kind of silly. After 30 years, the cat is out of the bag.

There are some problems though. There was a lot of "huhs?" going on in the living room of my Dad's house for the first half of the episode. There's a difference between trusting the intelligence of your audience and being purposefully cagey. I guess they were hoping there would be a big "aha!" moment at the end when the pieces come together, but I wonder how many people actually made it that far.

In the end, I'll most likely keep watching, but if the pace doesn't pick up in the second episode or the characters don't become more engaging, I'm out.

The Assets airs Thursdays at 10:00 pm EST on ABC. You can view episodes online at the ABC website.

Second show: Intelligence!

It's kind of ballsy to name your show Intelligence. Especially if the underlying concept is kind of silly and completely derivative.

These two have seen it all before. And really so have you.

Hit it, promo monkeys!

In Intelligence, Josh Holloway stars as Gabriel Vaughn, a high-tech intelligence operative enhanced with a super-computer microchip in his brain. With this implant, Gabriel is the first human ever to be connected directly into the global information grid. He can hack into any data center and access key intel in the fight to protect the United States from its enemies. Marg Helgenberger stars as Lillian Strand, the director of the US Cyber Command who supports Gabriel and oversees the unit's missions. She assigns Riley Neal (Meghan Ory), a Secret Service agent, to protect Gabriel from outside threats, as well as from his appetite for reckless, unpredictable behavior and disregard for protocol.

Sound familiar? If you're a fan of NBC's Chuck, it should. Ok, so Josh Holloway's character isn't playing geeky 30 something....he's more of an ex-Delta Force superhuman crime-fighting machine. But still.

Intelligence is basically a standard CBS procedural masquerading as something more. They want it to be new! and exciting! But don't be fooled. Instead of a crime lab or whatever, it's the US Cyber Command (say what?). Sure, the first episode looked great--but almost every drama premiering on the networks these days looks good. I will admit that it had some great action sequences and fight scenes though, but nothing else about it really connected with me.

What you have here is last night's leftovers dressed up in some fancy packaging in an effort to make it more appetizing. And I count Josh Holloway among the wrapping. He's a looker alright, but still playing his usual wise-cracking tough guy character. Unlike Sawyer though, Gabriel has a quest! He needs to find his missing wife whom everyone is convinced was a traitor against America and died years ago. But he will never give up hope. Or something.

One more quibble. Other than a few Asian bad guys, everyone in this show is white. This was a HUGE problem for me, and rankled me throughout the pilot episode. In this day and age, it is basically inexcusable to have an ensemble show without any minorities. Get your shit together, CBS.

Oh, look! A show full of blandly attractive white people. SHOCKER.

Bottom line: unless you are hankering for another US agency procedural (this time dressed up with some admittedly awesome action scenes), skip it. Go watch SHIELD; while that show isn't perfect, at least has a sense of fun and some interesting ideas.

Intelligence airs Mondays at 10:00 EST on CBS.

Awwww. She In Yo Class, Yo!

It is I, gentle readers! Arsenic Pie! Back from the netherworld of holidays, presents, and, yes, pie. So much pie, in fact, that I have not been able to roll myself from the couch to my computer due to my near-diabetic coma. So I apologize for my recent silence. But fear not!

It is now January and that means the return of many of our beloved programs since they went on hiatus during the bleak midwinter.

The first of the premieres that I have been looking forward to -- and there are many -- (OMG SEASON 4 OF DOWNTON ABBEY OMG YOU GUYS!!!) is Community. Yes, yes, it's true. Miss Arsenic Pie takes time away from her erudite Auntie Beeb costume dramas to watch comedy. I'm not a huge or dedicated Community fan like this devoted comrade, but this girl does love herself some Joel McHale. It's one of those shows where if I find it in reruns on TV on Comedy Central I will watch it. I long ago gave up on network comedies, but I found myself pleasantly surprised by how clever and -- okay, I'll say it -- how downright stinkin' meta it is. This show, along with Archer and Brooklyn 99, is starting to restore my faith in 'Murican comedy programming. 'Murica. McHale. Mostly McHale.

How is Joel McHale today? I don't know, but I'm sure he's fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

As you know, the show follows the exploits of Jeff (Cutie McHottie Joel McHale) as Jeff, the disbarred lawyer who is forced to attend community college as part of his court sentence. Along for the ride are Jeff's love interest, Britta (Gillian Jacobs); our favorite Trudy Campbell, Alison Brie, as Annie; the always hilarious Ken Jeong as psychotic Spanish instructor, Señor Chang;  the lovely and talented Yvette Nicole Brown as Shirley; Jim Rash as Dean Pelton and, last but not least, Donald Glover and Danny Pudi as Troy and Abed, respectively. Also? True story. Jim Rash's Twitter handle is @RashisTVUgly. Look it up.

So, the plot of the season premiere features Jeff down on his luck after a failed attempt at being a morally upstanding lawyer. 

Jeff's super sleazy ex legal partner, Alan (Rob Effin Corddry) drops by to help Jeff out of his financial jam. Alan wants Jeff to help out with a lawsuit Alan is planning against Greendale. An engineer educated at Greendale designed a bridge that collapsed and Alan wants to sue Greendale, claiming it was Greendale's fault. Jeff doesn't have much of a choice, so he returns to Greendale in search of the engineer's records. He has a creepily hilarious encounter with Dean Pelton, and Jeff convinces Pelton that he's there to "help" Greendale. Jeff forms a "Save Greendale" committee, and coincidentally runs into his old study group, who are all hanging out in the old study room. Which also happens to be the new records office. It's also where Señor Chang is now living under house arrest.

Jeff tries to convince his former study group members to join a lawsuit against the school, with the claim that their lives are not better four years after they started at Greendale. Britta is a bartender; Abed is a computer programmer/ failed film director; Annie is pushing pills for a big pharma company; Yvette's husband left her again and took the kids (and the DVR with her 166 unwatched episodes of Bones); and Troy is waiting around for Abed to get rich off his new smartphone app so Troy can sue him. Solid plan. The gang starts arguing, and Jeff thinks he's convinced them all to join a class action lawsuit. He leaves to tell Alan that he's taking over the case, tells Alan he's not worth his prepared evil monologue, and whips Alan with his own tie. He returns to the study group to find that they've all made up, and they've made a collective decision. Jeff thinks they're all going to sue, but they reveal that they're all going to re-enroll at Greendale. REPILOT. Dean Pelton offers Jeff a job as a law professor, and the gang decides to burn their table. Any episode of any show that ends in a fire/pyrotechnics is a win for me. 

Stick around for episode 2, which features Abed having a mental breakdown over his attempt to determine whether Nicolas Cage is a good or bad actor. My Nic Cage is just me saying, "There's a treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence." Abed puts this girl to shame. 

Community airs on The Peacock Thursday nights at 8 EST. The double-feature season premiere is available on demand.

Be sure to also catch McHale hosting The Soup Wednesdays at 10 on E!

You staged a robot fight?!?! In real life, the robot wins!!

New Year, New Doctor

Well, that's that then. So long Matt Smith!

You are just too adorable.

He had a good run. I have been consistently disappointed in the Steven Moffat era of Doctor Who*, but never disappointed in Matt Smith. From the moment he asked a young Amelia Pond for fish fingers and custard, I thought of him as the Doctor. Did I miss David Tennant? Of course. Did I love Matt Smith. Absolutely.

But even in the TARDIS, time marches on and Matt Smith has decided to carry on with his career. On Christmas, we bade farewell to the Eleventh Doctor (I guess really the Twelfth?) in the special episode, The Time of the Doctor, and said a brief hello to the next actor to take on the role: Peter Capaldi.

I don't want to harp on the episode, for the most part I enjoyed it. But it would be remiss of me not to mention that it didn't seem to make a lot of sense. Plot holes big enough to drive a TARDIS through have been something of a hallmark with Moffat episodes (as well as an annoying tendency to repeat themes and types of female characters), and The Time of the Doctor was no exception.

A town called Christmas? Ugh. I did enjoy the cyberman talking head though.

If I may quote my favorite internet gay uncles (Tom and Lorenzo):

We’re gonna cop to some laziness here, as well as some Moffat fatigue, because we’re not even going to bother listing all the things that made no sense or were left unexplained. If Moffat couldn’t be bothered to write a story that holds together, should we really put all that much effort into showing how it falls apart? Besides, one thing we know for sure, you either loved or hated this special and there’s not a thing anyone can say to convince you otherwise. When someone who hadn’t seen it yet asked us how it was, we told them it was a lot like the Lost finale: nothing made sense but you’ll get a good cry out of it at the end.

I have to confess there was a lot about the plot of this episode that I didn't understand or plain didn't get. The Doctor spends 300 years in this one small town? Really? And I have never been a fan of skipping HUGE periods of time in the course of an episode (something Moffat has also done before with this Doctor), and here it just seemed like a cheap device.

But none of that really matters in the long run, I suppose. If you didn't cheer when the Time Lords zapped the Doctor with some extra regeneration energy (I guess they just have that shit lying around or something), then you don't have a heart. And the goodbye to his past companions was very sweet. The regeneration into Doctor number Twelve was both achingly slow and shockingly quick and from the 20 or so seconds we saw of him, Peter Capaldi did a great job.

While I mourn the loss of Matt Smith from Doctor Who, my takeaway was one of excitement for the new season and the new Doctor. Bring it on, Moffat.

I'm excited!

The new season of Doctor Who (the 8th of the new series) will air in the UK in August 2014. Hopefully, we'll get it on BBC America at the same time!

*except the Neil Gaiman penned episodes and the recent 50th Anniversary special.

Secret Boyfriend of the Week: Canadian Crooner Edition

I'm not sure this one is much of a secret....but what can I say? I love a crooner.

Ah, Michael Buble. 

Sing to me, Michael.



That's better. Ok, so Michael has a holiday special airing on NBC on Wednesday, 12/18 at 10:00pm (EST). It's his third Christmas special, and includes special guest stars Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey....and Cookie Monster.

Um, ok. Just go with it.

Anyway, my DVR is already set because nothing gets you in the mood for the holidays like some good old fashioned singing.

Well, that and Hamm and Bubbley.

Recapping AHS: Never Trust Someone Calling Himself "Axeman"

Hi all! Sorry to be behind on the recaps. Here's the first of three new ones coming from me this week (I hope). 

Right, kids – story time. Seems that in New Orleans, back in 1919, there was once the Axeman, a serial killer who entered people’s houses and slaughtered them with an axe before writing taunting letters to the police about he would never be caught. We begin tonight with said Axeman drafting a letter to the police stating that the next Tuesday night, he will kill someone in town, though anyone playing a live jazz band at midnight will be spared. At Miss Robicheaux’s, the quaint young witches of the Edwardian age are all a-flummox over what to do with this information. Should they play a Victrola? Should they critique his grammar when he insists that the citizens “jazz it”? (“His prose could use refinement,” one witch states disapprovingly.) Nay! They shall take action! “Ladies, we are powerful,” one student reminds her fellows. “Not only are decedents of Salem, but we are Suffragettes! No man can make us cower in our home.”

"This is almost as scandalous as when they tried to make the French Bob happen here."

That Tuesday, Joe, the Axeman himself, closes up his restaurant and heads out onto the street to the sound of Jazz music coming from every home. Every home, of course, but Witch House, which has opted for Puccini. Target sighted, Axeman Joe enters the school, ascends the stairs and finds the Suffragette witch sitting in a dark room, reading tarot cards on the floor. She reveals the Death card just as the Axeman brings his axe into her back, but suddenly she is standing behind him instead. “That reading was for you,” she tells him as she and the other witches fall onto the Axeman, attacking him with knives and Jazz-Age Girl Power.

In the modern day, Zoe is going through Madison’s things when she discovers a cubby hole in Madison’s closet. Inside is a box full of old photographs and a Ouija board. Bringing the items to Nan and Queenie, Zoe points out how much the student body has diminished in 100 years, from several dozen students now to just the three of them. The three decide to find out where Madison is, all Band-of-Brothers-style, using the Ouija Board to contact Madison or anyone else they can find. Queenie isn’t keen on the idea, pointing out how Ouija boards bring forth angry spirits if they’re not careful. Good thing there’s no evil spirit in this house, right! HAHA kidding they totally make contact with the Axeman’s spirit after only, like, three seconds. And boy does he seem pissed…

"Couldn't we just ask him who we're going to marry or how many kids we're going to have to sacrifice to the devil someday or something?"

Fiona meanwhile is undergoing chemotherapy when she suddenly develops the ability to read minds, something she’s never been able to do. Listening to the fearful thoughts of the patients next to her, she tries to leave but is stopped by her doctor. Fiona admits that the only reason she’s even going through with treatment is because Delia needs her now. As more chemo is put into her, she laments how she wishes she could have “one more great love affair” before she goes.

At the school, Zoe is Googling “New Orleans Axeman” and discovering the sick world of fan sites and blogs and the weirdoes who write them. (ZING!) She wants to ask him about Madison, but Queenie is strongly against it, pointing out that spirits will say and do anything to get released from where they’re trapped. Zoe, however, won’t be stopped and goes back to communicate with the Axeman herself. She promises him release if he’ll help her find Madison. At this point I feel compelled to mention that we have yet to see any of these girls actually attending a class, which I feel is germane given the utterly stupid thing that Zoe is doing here. I’m skeptical of Miss Robichaux’s accreditation by the Louisiana Department of Education is what I’m saying.  Whatever, Axeman fesses up and directs Zoe to the attic where she finds Spaulding’s creepy doll room. And Madison’s badly decomposing body stuffed in a trunk. And Spaulding standing behind her, natch.

It doesn’t last long, though. Nan and Queenie arrive quickly enough and subdue Spaulding before tying him up to begin the interrogation. Nan translates Spaulding’s thoughts as Zoe questions him and Queenie burns herself with a hot spatula, transferring the pain to Spaulding. Still protecting Fiona, Spaulding lies to Nan, telling them that he killed Madison specifically to have sex with her dead body. Spaulding kind of has the girls in a bind – what are they going to do? Report him and bring about ruin to the coven? Zoe also isn’t convinced that he’s telling the truth. “He grew up in a house full of witches,” she reminds Nan when Nan insists that she read his mind correctly. “I bet he picked up a few tricks.”

Also, dolls. Lots of dolls.

Downstairs, Delia has arrived home with Hank in tow helping her to her room. Delia’s upset because of the roses in her room, which pull in love, and demands chrysanthemums, which are used for strength and protection. Every time Hank tries to touch her, Delia sees flashes of what he did to the redheaded woman. The same thing happens when Fiona touches her as Delia sees what she did to Myrtle Snow. Fiona doesn’t apologize, though, saying that she did it for what Myrtle did to Delia. Fiona says Delia’s sudden gift of The Sight “is the greatest gift to have and the hardest one to live with.”

In the swamp, Misty tends her dead person garden, slowly growing Myrtle back to life under a mound of mud, when Kyle returns, still non-verbal as ever. She tries to bring him inside her cabin to give him a bath, but Kyle’s having PTSD issues with older women touching his naked body thanks to his mom. He gets violent, trashing her cabin and breaking her tape player, which is to say her only access to Stevie Nicks music. And that, my friends, is a Bridge Too Far for Misty who sends Kyle away just as Zoe arrives, telling Misty she needs her help.

Zoe brings Misty to Delia’s greenhouse and shows her Madison’s corpse. “She’s already rotting,” Misty tells her. “Plus she’s missing an arm.” Armlessness be damned, Zoe is insistent. Misty tries, but she needs Zoe’s help, telling her to push on Madison’s stomach. CorpseMadison begins to vomit blood, roaches and other horrible things before springing back to life. “I need a cigarette,” Madison says finally.

"I'm gonna need some extra time in the makeup trailer on my next picture…"

At the Hair Salon, who should approach Marie Laveau but Hank himself. He’s angry at Marie for ordering the acid attack on Delia, but Marie claims ignorance. “Do I look like the Taliban to you?,” She asks him. “If I wanted to blind your little wifey, I wouldn’t have to leave my room.” Turns out Hank has been playing the long con with Marie – she hired him six years ago as a professional witch-hunter to infiltrate the house and take it down, along with all the Salem decedents, which Hank swears he’s been doing.

Flashback! Remember the redhead that Hank slept with and murdered? Turns out her name was Kaylee and she was, wait for it, a witch! She even was recruited by Delia to attend the school after being charged with being an arsonist after she magically set her last boyfriend on fire when he wouldn’t marry her. Delia wants her to learn to develop her gifts, but Kaylee says she just wants to find a husband. “I think I have a good shot,” she tells Delia. “I work out. And I play fantasy football.”

"Should I also work on desperation? Men like desperation, right?"

And that’s how Hank got that particularly connection. Kaylee was one of five Salem decedents that he killed for Marie, but Marie accuses him of falling in love with Delia and ruining Marie’s plans. “When I plant a fat-ass cracka in the ground I expect her to stay there,” Marie thunders, referring to Delphine (I hope), “Not come back up like some kind of ragweed.” Marie gives Hank a new mission – “you bring me their heads, all of them, then you burn that place to the ground.”

In the School, Zoe now has two living dead bodies to care for and Misty wants nothing to do with either of them. “I thought you were looking for your tribe,” Zoe says when Misty turns down the offer to stay. “I am,” Misty admits, “But this ain’t it. There’s something foul in this house.”

Could that foul thing be, maybe, the Axeman? But of course! Delia is stumbling blind in her room when she suddenly “sees” the Axeman sitting near her bed.  He didn’t really like witches before, what with the murder and all that, but now he’s really pissed that Zoe promised to release him and then went back on her word. Delia refuses to release him and begins to scream, which brings the girls running. The girls can’t get in, so Zoe goes hunting for a spell in the library of books that they have, magically finding one. The girls begin to chant and upstairs the Axeman vanishes only to emerge from the school and walk out into the night.

At a bar, Fiona has gotten used to rejection from the younger men and it’s about to get worse and she notices that her hair is beginning to fall out from the chemo. Suddenly a man sits next to her. “Well hello, Pretty Lady,” the Axeman smiles at her.

Almost Human

This review is going to be a bit shorter than most. First, because it is such a gross, rainy, cold day and all I want to do is crawl into bed and pull the covers up over my head. And also, I don't think it's going to take a lot of words to get the point across.

Almost Human is a fun buddy-cop sci-fi drama series. It's I, Robot meets Alien Nation with a pinch of Lethal Weapon thrown into the mix. It's great-looking, from the actors to the sets, and you can tell FOX really wants it to be a hit.


From the FOX website (so watch out for hyperbole):

Almost Human is an action-packed police procedural set 35 years in the future, when police officers are partnered with highly evolved human-like androids. The year is 2048. Detective John Kennex (Karl Urban), is a cop who survived one of the most catastrophic attacks ever made against the police department. After waking up from a 17-month coma, he can't remember much – except that his partner was killed, he lost one of his legs and he is now outfitted with a highly sophisticated synthetic appendage. Suffering from PTSD and the “psychological rejection of his synthetic body part,” John returns to work at the behest of longtime ally, the police captain (Lili Taylor).

By mandate, every cop must partner with a robot. And despite his passionate aversion to androids, John is paired up Dorian (Michael Ealy), a discontinued android with unexpected emotional responses. Although such responses were deemed flaws, it is in these “flaws” that John relates to Dorian most. After all, John is part-machine now, and Dorian is part-human. John and Dorian's understanding of each other not only complements them, it connects them.

Almost Human will follow the week-to-week missions of John and Dorian, as they fight crime across this futuristic landscape, while the mysteries surrounding John's attack and the larger mythology of this new world unfold. 

See? Get it? They're both ALMOST human. So we can explore all these hard-hitting questions about what it  means to be human, and what makes a person, and can an android truly feel.

Or we could also just blow a lot of shit up. I am particularly fond of that part.

There's nothing particularly earth-shattering about the premise here. Future cops, mismatched partners, blah blah blah. But what Almost Human has going for it are the lead actors. Karl Urban has gone from a little known New Zealand actor who popped up in Xena: Warrior Princess....

Hey there, I'm Cupid.

....to a full-blown movie star whom you probably recognize from Lord of the Rings and JJ Abrams' Star Trek movies. I've liked Urban for a while, but Michael Ealy, who plays the android partner, Dorian, was unknown to me.

I am happy to report that they are both great in this, especially Ealy who has the difficult task of playing an android who can feel. He has to walk a fine line between robot and human, but does it seemingly without effort. When watching the show, I actually believe that he is an android, and for a tv-watching cynic like me that's a hard feat to pull off. The two actors have great chemistry together and when you toss Lili Taylor into the mix, you have a first rate cast.

Three episodes have aired and while I haven't found the plot particularly riveting, it's the actors that are the real draw here. Oh, and the previously mentioned explosions. Hurray for blowing things up! I am also hopeful that we'll learn more about the "futuristic landscape" the characters inhabit since that seems pretty interesting, but a focus on the relationship between the characters is ok by me too.

In short: I recommend the show, especially for fans of sci-fi and buddy cop movies. Ratings have been solid, (not spectacular), but I am reasonably certain that we'll at least get a full season out of it. So if you are afraid of commitment to a show that might get cancelled, I think you're safe with these guys. You can also watch the complete episodes on the FOX website so catching up will be easy.

Almost Human airs Mondays at 8pm EST on FOX.

Oh, great--more vampires.

Back in September 2012 (a younger, gentler time), I told you that FX was developing a new vampire television series based on the The Strain trilogy of novels, by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan.

Guess what? FX has ordered a 13 episode first season of the series which will air on FX in July 2014.

Call me crazy, but there's nothing particularly scary about this title art--it could just be normal NYC subway graffiti.

Some interesting things about the show: del Toro and Hogan wrote the pilot episode (promising) and del Toro directed the pilot (very promising). Carlton Cruse of LOST fame will act as the show-runner. This last piece of news doesn't have me quite as excited--sure, Cruse's current work over on Bates Motel is great, but we all know LOST went off the rails there at the end. And with his fingers in so many pies (Cruse is also working with ABC to create a series called Point of Honor set in Civil War-era Virginia and ANOTHER vampire series, The Returned, with A&E), does he really have the time to run another show?

But, whatever. The big question here is do we really need or want another vampire-themed television show? Y'all know I am a vampire fan, but even I am starting to get a burned out with True Blood, The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, and Dracula (and those are just off the top of my head). I read The Strain book series and enjoyed it--though they weren't without their problems. So the concept doesn't exactly light me on fire with eager anticipation. For those not in the know, here is a plot intro:

A plane lands at John F. Kennedy International Airport with lights off and doors sealed. Epidemiologist Dr. Ephraim Goodweather and his team are sent to investigate. On board they find two hundred corpses and four survivors. The situation deteriorates when the bodies begin disappearing from morgues. Goodweather and a small group of helpers find themselves battling to protect not only their own loved ones, but the entire city, from an ancient threat to humanity.

On a positive note, the novels don't shy away from the likely realities of a vampire outbreak (let's just say things get dark pretty quickly and go really bad for the humans), but the whole vampirism as a virus isn't anything new. And I think I read somewhere that del Toro has come out and said that The Strain was basically an attempt to rehash the ideas and themes he had for Blade 2 that were crushed down by the movie studios.

Much like the vampires in Blade 2 (pictured), The Stain vampires have mandibles and a stinger that transmits "the vampire virus." There's also lots more gross stuff about how you make a vampire, but I will let you discover that on your own.

I am going to do my best to withhold judgment until you show actually airs. I am sure I'll be first in line to watch it...but I remain skeptical that it will actually bring anything new to the genre.